Retirement Place Reviews - should i move into a retirement apartment after 43 years of marriage?

should i move into a retirement apartment after 43 years of marriage?

I have been married for 43 years. I will retire in sept. We live in a 3 room apt. My husband is not abusive, doesn't drink. So why do i want to leave him and go live in a retirement community?? its only 3 mmiles away. my husband is very emotionally shut down. we have no onterests anymore and haven't been intimate in years, {health reasons} he just had a major heart attack. Now i reallize that i don't love him .. my heart is empty. i want to move when i get my retirement in sepf. and live by mtself. He has been this way all of our marriage , very unemotional, never talks to me. We live llike strangers. We have grown children and grandchildren and great grand children. All live within 2 miles from us. I just want to get my ouw little apt. {rent is based on income and no utilities to pay} I have wanted to leave him many time but financially could not. Now i can if i am careful and live where they base it on income. The apts are very nice. Please help me... getting older everyminute ..

Public Comments

My Mother, after 40 years of marriage to my Dad, felt the same way, and DID move out and get her own place. She was MUCH happier after she did too. I say, "Go for it". Be happy the rest of your life!
You work on your marriage...not abandon it. Remember that "..or worse" part you said long ago...this is it. It only gets better if you work at it. Just because you have been married 43 years does not excuse you from working on it and keeping it up as you did 40 years ago.
Go for it. Like you said your getting older by the minute. I'm sure the marrage was great but some time you have to move on. To be married for 43 years thats awesome but are you ready to just throw that away
No way. Stay with him. Remember your vows. You did the sic kness and health and good and bad. The last thing you want to do is put all of this time in and then someone else receives his spousal benefits and SS .
I'd advise you to try this plan out. Why be miserable the rest of your life. Don't slam any doors, just tell him and your children you would like to have a little "space" for awhile. You might be surprised and actually miss the little bit of companionship he gives you. In that case, you can return. Please try to get active with other people, develop a hobby, or perhaps get another job. And by the way, congratulations on your retirement. Don't forget your finances. What retirement benefits of his can you receive? Even after a divorce you are entitled to his IRA, 401K and of course half of your home equity. Get advice from a lawyer.
i would, first, tell him how you feel. if he doesn't care, then maybe some time apart would be fine. i'm sure you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't speak to you. you want to be happy and stress free.
you lived with him for 43 long years, and what didnt hurt all this time starts hurting suddenly when you are financially independant ? if you are retiring soon, you must be in your sixties ? Unless you absolutely hate your husband, going away seperately could only be for the worse than living with him the rest of your life. Maybe he doesnt talk, maybe he isnt emotional. but that was how he was all these last 40 odd years ? it isnt as if suddenly he turned to stone and you are feeling the heat ? I wouldnt be stupid to advise you to try and set right things at home, because you have lived a married life for four decades, thats three more than me. and after all you arent a young naive adult who doesnt know how to react when situations arise. I guess its more a self pity, self sympathetic, and deprived mindset thats driving you to this decision. My suggestion would be to stay in the same house, and start living a new life after retirement. go out a lot, read a lot, make new friends, walk a lot, listen to music, etc. But all said and done, do you need more entertainment when you have so many grand children and great grandchildren who could give you the most happy moments in your life now. And having retired, you can always visit them in turn, as they also live close by, to share your time with people and do something new.
oh, u dont love him and after all this 43years u r realizing it when he is ill...so bad...has he ever tried to get away from u?? what will he do if u leave him this stage??
go for it, but don't move into a retirement community, live somewhere where people are still breathing!,
Why do I get the feeling that he might feel exactly the same toward you. Where has your relationship input gone? Do YOU talk to him? Have you also been "unemotional"? I would wager there is alot of this to go around under that roof. So now, after 40+ years you want to bail out on a guy with heart and health issues all the while you have been plotting how to escape but could not due to the money. It sounds like you are a user and now that he is "used up" you are done with him. What would you be thinking were these roles reversed? What does this say about you?